Skulduggery Pleasant Drabbles
by PaigeDragon3
Summary: This is many of my random ideas that i have shoved messily into some sort of readable thing. Most based on Valkyrie. Hope you enjoy. Rated T just in case. Also, this will never be finished, as i will definitely be uploading more.
1. Chpt 1: Gordon's tea

Skulduggery Pleasant Drabbles

Drabble 1

Set in Ireland: Gordon's house, Valkyrie is 18

Title: Gordon's tea

It was raining again, Valkyrie didn't mind the rain, it was just so inconvenient. Especially when it dripped inside her clothes or inside her boots and then her feet would go pruney and whenever she complained Skulduggery would just laugh at her, you know, considering he has no skin and a wide brimmed hat, that kept any amount of water outside of his immaculately tailored suit. And his water manipulation skills were so much better than hers. Of course she'd never admit she was envious. That would be silly.

He hair was wet and it was dripping down her back at the moment, most of her body was warm, thanks to the heater, but her feet were damp and her boots were soaked, but she was entertaining a guest, as Gordon so astutely put it, so she had to smile and be polite while she left to get a towel and clean up. She changed her clothes and moved back downstairs while her dead uncle entertained instead. She slid down the banister and stuck the landing at the bottom.

She slouched into the lounge room to go to the kitchen to put on some tea. She didn't bother for anyone else; they could get their own tea. Well, he probably wont want any, since he doesn't eat, or sleep or, anything else.

"That's a really weird concept" she though, so she tried to think of other things and fails. The jug suddenly whistles and Val poured the water on top of the teabag. It burns her tongue as she takes a sip and she coughs as it burns her throat.

"Are you okay in there?" Skulduggery's voice echoes through the lounge room. You follow the sound to an accusing look from Gordon.

"You didn't offer anyone else some tea?" he asked accusingly.

"Nah, I knew Skul wanted some so I purposely didn't ask."

"There's no need to be cheeky."

"Wonder, who I get that from…" Valkyrie grinned as Gordon 'stood up' and walked to the kitchen.

"What is he doing?" Val ask out-loud. She could see Skulduggery shrug in your peripheral. 'Doesn't he realise Skul doesn't drink? ' She thought as he watched him moving around the kitchen. There was a mug already sitting on the table and the water in the jug was still hot and still steaming. She and Skul watched as he reached for the jug and paused with his hand in the jug.

'Uhhhh, Gordon, are you ok?' She asked, worrying about her uncle state of mind as he realised, once again that he wasn't really a human being. He finally started moving again, his hands by his side, walking back to the lounge room where Val and Skul were still sitting, watching him. He looked like a started fish, it was obvious he was embarrassed, trying to hide this with a poker face.

'Ehem, Gordon?' Valkyrie asked, "What were you doing?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

'Eh? Oh, nothing my dear…' he said to quickly. There was an awkward pause.

Valkyrie was having trouble holding herself together; the startled look on her uncle's face along with her exhaustion was threatening to overcome her. Soon it was too much, she started laughing, and she laughed so hard she fell out of her chair. She could feel Skulduggery's scepticism and Gordon's embarrassment as she chuckled around on the floor.

'I, uhh, I think I'll go back to the study.' She heard Gordon say. As he walked away Valkyrie calmed down a little.

'That was a little insensitive you know, he has trouble with that.' Skulduggery was lecturing her. Valkyrie sat up and she saw Skul leaning over the coffee table at her.

'I think I'm just tired, I better go to bed.' The girl said with a yawn and a stretch.

'And that's my queue to leave, I think…' The Skeleton man said, standing up and going for his jacket. The young girl stood up from the floor and chuckled to herself. For no particular reason.

'See you later then', she said 'I should probably apologise sometime…' She walked to the door to say goodbye.

'Yeah,' Skulduggery said, laughter behind his words, 'except that was pretty hilarious!' He started laughing and kept doing so as he walked toward his car. His laugh was so infectious Valkyrie started as well and she was still chuckling as she fell asleep that night. Feeling as thought it was the first time she had ever seen her favourite uncle make a mistake.


	2. Chpt 2: Book Reading

Skulduggery Pleasant Drabbles

Drabble 2

Set in Ireland: Valkyrie is 16

Title: Book Reading

'When the waves crash against the rocky shores, sprinkling the mainland in the most teasing way, It never fully reaches it's goal." Valkyrie was half asleep, remembering a quote from a book she read once. It slightly resembled the topic she and Skulduggery were discussing, Evil never won because of them, Valkyrie was pitying them and skulduggery was questioning her in the most un-condescending way possible… apparently.

'that's a funny thing to say.' He said ' where did you hear that?'

'A book.' She replied, blushing not believing she had just said something so dumb- sounding.

'is it a book I've read?' he asked, prying in his own way.

'I don't know,' Valkyrie said, 'Probably not.'

'I don't think so, it sounds stupid, I probably wouldn't have read something to dumb,' he said, not taking his eyes off the road. 'When did you read this Dumb sounding book that I've probably never read.' He changed gears and the car jolted as it ran over a bump.

'At some point in my life,' she said and skulduggery made a sideways glance at her,' probably recently, like, I don't know. Yesterday, Last week, it could have been on my last birthday… What's the time?'

'I think it is 9:30-ish.' Skulduggery said, Valkyrie groaned inwardly.

'last Wednesday.' She said.

'what was last Wednesday?' The skeleton asked.

'That was when I read the book that the thing was from.'

'read what from a book?'

The phrase. The… the quote that I remembered…' She stuttered. God damn, you'd think she'd get better at this by now.

'you read a quote from a book?'

'Yes, last Wednesday.'

'You did what last Wednesday?' Skulduggery asked again.

'Last Wednesday I read my book, from which I recently recited a rather apparently dumb phrase to you, at the time of 9;30-ish.' She breathed after saying all of this, skulduggery was silent.

A happy song started playing on the bentley's radio, it didn't match the weather at all. of course it was raining, Valkyrie didn't mind the rain, when she wasn't in it and when she was dry, like she is at the moment. She reached over and turned off the radio.

'you said 'my'' the almost silent Skeleton said, Valkyrie turned to him.

'sorry, what?'

'When you were answering me, you said 'my book'. He said, Valkyrie blushed. 'your reaction implies it is more than just a book that you own.'

'What reaction?' She snapped, embarrassed beyond belief.

'Valkyrie, did you write that?'

'Write what?'

'That phrase, the book.'

'What book?'

'Valkyrie, stop avoiding the answer.' The skeleton man turned around as he heard his partner sigh.

'yes, I wrote the book.' Skulduggery was silent as he turned to face the road again.

'When did you write it?'

'A few years ago.' She said, lying through her teeth, ' It's nothing really, it's not even a book, more like a collection of nothings that I made that makes no sense.'

'What's it about?'

'Lot's of different things, friends, family, in the form of other people. Some stupid things like poems. I guess other stupid stuff as well that I've forgotten.'

'You keep saying it's stupid.' He said, 'It's obviously something that means something to you.' Valkyrie turned to the window to hide her face, ' I'm sorry for saying it was stupid.' Valkyrie was quiet. 'By the way, Can I read-'

'No, you can't read my stupid book.' She snapped. The Bently stopped and she jumped out of the car, Skulduggery felt horrible as what he thought were tears running down her face as she ran through the rain.


	3. Chpt 3: Drunken Valkyrie

Skulduggery Pleasant Drabbles

Drabble 3

Title: Drunken Valkyrie she is 20ish. Set in a bar.

"Valkyrie, we have to go." Skulduggery Gaze staring straight at a older man with a scruffy beard and who was obviously very drunk.

"Huh? But the party just started, Skul!" Valkyrie was gesturing at the numerous people slowly pacing around the small square of dance floor, if you could call it that. The people were wearing rather sour faces, drowning themselves in sorrow. Skulduggery doesn't know why Valkyrie comes to these places, and doesn't bother trying to figure it out, not just yet, there'll be a right time for that.

"Valkyrie, that party hasn't started, and considering the look of these people, they haven't partied in a long time, and probably won't either." Valkyrie giggled, very uncharacteristically. She took another swig from the drink she was holding precariously, it was tipping over almost too far.

"Don't be a party pooper, Skul-man." She giggled again and a short, pudgy looking man bumped into Valkyrie from behind and dumped his two glasses of alcohol onto her clothes. "What the hell is your problem?" Her face changed in a split second and she picked his up by the scruff of his neck. She lifted him almost half a metre off the ground.

"Valkyrie put the man down!" Skull yelled as the Scruffy beard man started striding toward them. Btu Valkyrie was busy threatening the short Random's life and calling him various names not suitable for younger ears. The man looked terrified, and it would have been hilarious, if he was in the laughing mood, and if Valkyrie wasn't drunk.

The Beard-Man was almost a on them and Valkyrie dropped the man, the long drop on his short legs, mad him stumble backwards, in an effort to keep balance. Effectively knocking over many now-angry drunk men, chatting up desperate and ugly women. He fell over onto his fat bottom with his face red and angry.

Valkyrie was too busy laughing, to realise that the man had gotten up and had started walking back towards her, with the intention of causing damage, he took a swing and it hit Valkyrie right in the middle of her face, she stumbled back, unable to comprehend what had happened. The Short man used this to take another swing, but she raised her arms in an automatic reflex.

His face re-reddening from exhaustion, the chubby man's attacks started to slow. The Bearded man had stopped in his obvious advance and had disappeared when Skulduggery's attention had been pulled to Valkyries attacker.

But it was when Valkyrie started attacking back, when Skulduggery realised he had to intervene. Valkyrie wasn't going to stop, no-matter how many times he shouted it above to music. People were crowding around them, angry men that the fat man had pissed off, cheering and security trying to stop the commotion.

"VALKYRIE! STOP HITTING THAT MAN! YOU ARE DRUNK, I AM TAKING YOU HOME! YOU DON'T GET A CHOICE! YOU CAN COME THE EASY WAY, OR THE HARD WAY!" She didn't hear. She was busy punching the shit out of the drunken short guy. Skulduggery finally started to intervene. And Valkyrie looked up. The man got the advantage and punched her in the face. He rushed over and told everyone to scram. He was pulled over by the bartender. He apologised immensely for his partner's behaviour and asked for a glass of water for her.

He picked up his partner's unconscious body and laid her down on the nearest soft flat surface. It happened to be a couch. The bartender came over holding the glass of water with great annoyance handing over to skulduggery, said

"You're not staying long." It wasn't a question. Skulduggery nodded anyway. The bartender huffed and walked away.

As soon as he was out of earshot skulduggery poured half of the glass of water on Valkyrie's head.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!" She sat straight up and yelled. The surprise of her face was hilarious, not funny. "Why the hell is my head wet? Why are you holding a glass of water? Why was I lying down? Where am I? Oh, right, the bar. What happened to that guy?" Skulduggery didn't make any obvious movements. "You know, the guy. The one that hit me?" She thought about that for a second. "Oh, wait, that doesn't narrow the search." She giggled again. It appears that she was still drunk, even after all the commotion.

"Come on Valkyrie, the bartender's throwing us out!" The skeleton man offered his hand to the drunken young woman.

"Phfffffffft, that loser, he's such a loser." She gripped the table ledge next to her and hoisted herself up, tipping over the table in the process. A massive clash could be heard over the blearing music and heads turned in their direction. "Stupid table, being so stupid." She made a faint frown and stumbled. The Skeleton Detective caught his partner and lifter her off the ground and over his shoulder-bone.

"GAHHHH! HELP! THIS MAN'S TAKING ME PRISONER!" She started thumping on his back. More heads turned as they walked towards the exit, Skulduggery Spotted the beard-man just before leaving. He was showing a faint smile. The Skeleton ignored this, he left the building, and Valkyrie had stopped struggling by this time.

All of a sudden there was a horrible retching sound and the sound of wet hitting pavement. The Dead Man stopped in his tracks.

"Uhhh, Skul, why is there yucky stuff on you?" Valkyrie's voice called from behind him. Skulduggery couldn't believe this, his almost-favourite suit; Valkyrie had just puked on it. He was livid. He lifted her off his should and put her, the right way up, on the ground. She stood there, looking stupid, stumbling around. Skulduggery grabbed the top of her arm and forcefully dragged her through the streets toward the Bentley. She didn't like this apparently, and she thought it was a good idea to punch the angry Dead Man. She took her swings and he blocked most of them, one his rib and broke it clean in half.

The pain was immense, the Drunken girl beside his finally realised her wrongdoing, but Skul couldn't stand it anymore. He picked her up by the collar.

"If you Puke in My Bentley I cannot be held responsible for my actions." He said in his most threatening tone. Valkyrie didn't seen to realise she was being threatened. Her head was lolling around on the tops of her shoulders, rolling around and around in circles. Skulduggery shook her a bit and her head flopped forward and backwards.

He gave up and tried to shove the girl's body into his car. Said this way, it now makes sense why so many heads turned in his direction while he did this. He soon gave up on this too an shove her in the trunk, at this, a man seemed to be trying to decide whether or not to call the police, his phone in his hands with a most peculiar expression.

Skulduggery walked around the car and got in the drivers seat. He was about half the way to Gordon's house when a loud bang came from his trunk. He made a loud sigh and he started to pull over.

"LET ME OUT! WHY AM I IN HERE? WHERE AM I?" Valkyrie's yelling came soon as well, effectively scaring the hell out of Skulduggery and making hit the curb. He swore, loudly.

He got out and opened to boot. Valkyrie was staring at him, with an angry expression.

"WHY AM I IN THE BOOT?" Valkyrie Yelled in Skulduggery's face. In a automatic reaction, he shut the boot again.

"WHAT THE HELL SKULDUGGERY? LET ME OUT!" Valkyrie started yelling again and skulduggery remembered what he had just done.

He quickly got back to driving and ended driving to his house, since it was the closest. Half way through that drive, the thumping and yelling suddenly stopped. This worried Skulduggery and he drove just a tiny bit over the limit. He arrived and practically threw himself out of his door.

He opened the boot and Valkyrie was asleep, her mouth hanging open and her hands spread out from her body, as if still trying to push at the car's boot walls. She muttered things in her sleep. Swears mostly, sometimes his name, sometimes other names. Her eyes would flinch sometimes and her hands would rise slightly. And she'd wake up a little bit and fall back asleep.

Skulduggery reached down and picked up her sleeping form. He shut the door with great difficulty and locked it with even more. Soon, he was walking through the front door and heading for the lounge.

It wasn't strange for Valkyrie to wake up in strange places when she knew she had been drinking. What the strange thing was was that this place was eerily familiar, and she couldn't quite put her tongue on what it was. The couch was familiar, so was the warm blanket covering her, though usually she'd wake up in weirder places. She looked around, the hat rack was familiar and the door was familiar.

It was very quiet in this house, it was making her nervous, usually, if she woke up in a house, there's be snoring in another room, or she'd be at Gordon's house and she'd be able to make her own noise. She didn't feel like that here, the silence was almost unbearable, crushing her with nothing.

She got up and the sound of the sheets moving and her getting up sent a stab of pain into her temples. She was really drunk last night and now she was going to pay. There was a door near her and she sauntered towards them, with as much grace as she could.

There was no sound coming from the room next door. She opened it and found a skeleton, just sitting there, in a suit. 'Hm' she thought 'that's odd'. So she did what every normal person would do when they were face to face with a dead man's remains. She went up and poked it.

It seemed to jump slightly and it's skull turned towards her slowly. And for some reason, she found this a highly normal reaction.

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" Said the remains. Valkyrie started, Her brain was in frenzy, all over the place, Of course she knew where she was, of course she was here, and most definitely of course she knew who this was!

"Skulduggery!" She yelled, startled. Flinging her arms over her partner's shoulders.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery mocked, "What brought this on?" His arms wrapped around he and hugged her back

"I forgot who you were for a second. I couldn't remember where I am." She pulled out of the hug and took a few steps back. "Why didn't you take me home?"

Skulduggery was silent.

"Skulduggery? What is it?" Valkyrie eyebrows almost merged together.

"I couldn't get you home, there was a problem-"

"Huh? What problem, you said you'd get me home!" It was obvious Valkyrie was in a little bit of distress.

"Calm down Valkyrie, you were drunk and you vomited on me." She was surprised this much was obvious. She thought about this for a moment.

"You couldn't deal with a little bit of vomit? You had to rush home that very second to clean up? Really?" She wasn't distressed anymore instead she was a little disbelieving.

"It was disgusting, it was all over the back of my suit." He said, reminiscing of such awful things. He thought Valkyrie was going to laugh, but she suddenly looked confused.

"Why was it down the back of your suit?" she asked, "wouldn't I have puked on your shoes or something?"

"Well, I had picked you off the ground because you weren't cooperating with me."

"Co-operating? What happened?"

"You wouldn't leave the bar and so I picked you up, put you over my shoulder and tried putting you into the car."

"Tried?"

"Well, you were unconscious-"

"Wait! Why was I unconscious?"

"A man had knocked you unconscious."

"A man just randomly punched me in the face?"

"Well, no. He kinda bumped into you and you started beating on him."

"Oh." Her cheeks went a little red and she scratched her head. Skulduggery was getting up and starting to leave, his hand was wrapped around his ribs. "What's up with your ribs?"

"Uh, nothing." He stumbled in the doorway, his balance off.

"You can't hide anything from me remember, I was taught by the best." She walked over to him and wrapped his arm over her shoulders. He leant on her, he wasn't very heavy and she easily supported his weight. "You're hurt." She said, imagining him trying to stop some man from punching her and getting hurt in the process.

"Your skills of perception are amazing," he said, "I am so proud." They sat him down on a stool in the kitchen.

"What happened to you?" she asked, and quickly added, "and 'nothing' is not an answer.

"Fine, if you must know. You happened."

"Me? What about me?"

"Various things, but at the moment, you are the worst drunk in the world."


	4. Chpt 4: Emotion Explotion

Ok, so this one took a lot longer, one because I had no ideas, weird, right. Anyway, second, because this one's actually longer than all the rest. Try not to get too board while reading. Play some shitty music or something. Try something that's not too stupid, You people are pretty smart, that shouldn't be that much of a task.

P.S. this one is a little sad. Different to my usuall ones because I was in a sad mood when I thought of the idea.

Alrightly then.

Well.

Valkyrie is 18.

She is coming home from the dentist after getting her Wisdom teeth removed. (She had to do it the mortal way because her parents made her). She's drugged up from the sleeping medicine, not the laughing gas.

Inspiration from this came from a video off youtube, from one of my favourite youtubers

She wasn't sleeping anymore. This was obvious. It was almost as obvious as a punch to the face, which it was, literally. She woke up, and punched him. And not the mock-punches she usually does, that only bruise slightly. This one was almost full blown. Broke his nose. Gave him two black eyes and bruised most of his face. Skuduggery thought this was hilarious; It went well with my hair, he said.

Apparently, She woke up like this, because she hates needles. No, like seriously hates them. The dentist told us that she had started throwing punches as he brought out the needle. They had to get four doctors to hold her down.

Wow, only four? She must have been going easy. The skeleton on my left seemed a little miffed. The dentist apologised for not warning about her state before letting us in. I hadn't thought of that, now I'm a little annoyed.

"What happened to your hair?" Valkyrie started, her eyes looking straight at my hair.

"Nothing my hair's-"

"What happened to your face?" Valkyrie cut in, her words coming out clear.

"You punched me." I stared at her, she looked confused. Soon her frown was deepening and she started crying silently.

"Valkyrie? What's wrong?" I asked and she threw herself at me, her arms wrapping around the tops of my shoulders, making it impossible for my arms to make any sort of movement.

"You-you just put up with so much stuff that I-I-I" and she started sobbing again.

"Valkyrie," The Skeleton said. "We need to get you home, you had surgery on your mouth."

"WHAT?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO ME?" Valkyrie was suddenly screaming in my ear, gripping the tops of my arms and shaking me slightly.

"We just removed your tooth." The dentist started saying.

"What?! You removed part of my face?" And she started crying again. "I want my tooth, you took my tooth."

"I'm Sorry, but we threw it away." Valkyrie glared at him, murderously. "But I'm sure if we looked hard enough, we could find it." And he quickly ran from the room.

Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and gave her a hug. She started crying again and she curled into a ball in the middle of the chair/bed, away from skulduggery.

"Valkyrie, I'm sure they'll find your tooth." I said, I swear my eyebrows were going to mash together if I frowned harder.

"I know, I don't know why I'm crying, I'm not sad." She said with tears running down her eyes and sniffing after every word.

"Valkyrie, we really need to get you home." Skulduggery started.

"NOT WITHOUT MY TOOTH!" and she punched him in the face. He stumbled back into the wall and a doctor appeared around the door.

"Is everything ok-" and then he disappeared, with a frightened expression on his face.

All of a sudden the original doctor came in and showed her the tooth.

"Awww, it's so small. You took that out of my face?" she asked, unbelievingly.

"Yes, yes we did." He said.

"Why? Why did you do that to me?" She asked. Her expression horrified.

"Well, um, you came in because you wanted us to remove it, it was causing you pain." He said, his voice wavering.

"What a horrible tooth!" she exclaimed and knocked the tooth from the doctor's hand, the tooth splitting on the floor. She jumped up and stormed out of the room.

Skulduggery and I quickly followed her. She was now sitting in the waiting chairs outside of the room.

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked.

"Not now Skul, I'm getting my tooth removed." She said. Se had a magazine in her hand and her knee was jumping up and down nervously.

"Valkyrie, you've already had your tooth out-"

"really? That was quick!" She said, she put the magazine down and jumped up. She stumbled out the door as skulduggery and I followed her.

Valkyrie walked into a lamppost. It was hilarious. I would've been more hilarious if she hadn't punched me for laughing and I didn't have a broken nose. She started crying soon after and apologizing to me. It was so weird, she was crying on my shoulder the whole way back to her uncle's house and as soon as she gout out of the car, she was happy again.

She ran over to skulduggery, who was just walking around the car, and hugged him. He stumbled over her and almost fell. He patted her back awkwardly and told her to let go, but she just laughed and squeezed him tighter.

Valkyrie, You're squishing my ribs." He wheezed.

"Silly skeleton doesn't breath! I can squish harder!" and as she did so, a few snaps sounded from within his tailored suit.

"Valkyrie, let go." He said as he ripped her arms from around his torso. She stumbled and fell back into a mound of dirt. She started crying, again.

"Valkyrie, Stop crying! We need to get you inside," She nodded sullenly and got up. Well, not got up, failed to get up, more like. She tried another few times until Fletcher got bored and offered him hand, it was at least the more gentlemanly thing to do. He wondered why Skulduggery hadn't done so before.

He looked to be enjoying himself, the skeleton, all teeth showing in a large grin. Then again he didn't think he could stop doing that. Since, you know, no lips. But he clutched his chest and was wheezing slightly as he chucked.

She stumbled again as she got up and Fletcher leaned in slightly to grasp her waist to stop her falling over. Her face went red and she giggled. He froze, she just giggled. Valkyrie, giggled, and it wasn't a laugh or a chuckle or a smirk. It was a giggle, a girlish giggle, the ones you hear girls on the TV hear. Almost too sweet to be real. Except their laughs were fake.

She giggled again after seeing the look on his face. Fletcher unfrose and started walking, Skulduggery trailing behind. They reached the door and Valkyrie froze.

"The key?" She asked, "Do you know someone with a key to this house?" And he could feel skulduggery's scepticism resonating from behind him.

"Valkyrie, this is your house, you own it. You were given it after your uncle died." Said the boy. He could see it in her face as he'd said it. She didn't remember she had an uncle, now she did, and now she knew he was dead. She started crying of course.

"My Uncle's DEEEEEEAAAAAAAD!" She sobbed, he head falling back onto her shoulders like those cartoon characters do. She had her hands to her face and was crying for her dead uncle.

"Valkyrie, can you get me the key to your house?" Skulduggery had finally spoken up, however strained and Wheezing his voice sounded. He was still clutching his side. He must have a few broken ribs.

"You mean this one?" She asked and reached into her pocket and pulled from it the key that matched the colour and pattern of the old door in front of them.

"yes, thank you." And Fletcher reached for the key in her outstretched hand, but she snatched it away as he reached for it. Her sad face picked up and turned into a smirk. "Valkyrie, give me the keys." Fletcher was still trying to get the keys from her.

"What's the magic word?" She giggled. That giggle, was going to annoy the fudge out of him.

"Please, Valkyrie, Please give me those keys!" His frustration seemed to be amusing the Skeleton Detective even through his pain. Valkyrie was pulling the keys even further away from him and she slowly started rising into the air. Her extended arm leading the way.

"That's not a magic word!" She said and frowned. She looked towards Skulduggery. "Skeleton man, what's a magic word?" He looked at her and shrugged. "Well, your no help." She said and she fell back to the ground. She made a large hummmppphhhh sound as she fell onto her bottom. She started crying. Again.

"Val, Calm down." She looked at him and stopped crying, apart from a few sniffles. The boy put you his hand and she looked at her own, grasped in which, was the keys. She placed them on his hands.

"Where are we?" She said, her head tilting up to look at the large house.

"We are waiting for Fletcher to finish unlocking this door," Said Skulduggery.

"I asked 'Where are we' not 'what are we doing'." She replied snarkily. Skulduggery Shut up. I finally got the door open, and helped Valkyrie to her feet. She leant on me as we walked inside. "What's with the funny pictures?" she asked. Fletcher assumed she meant the pictures of her uncle in pictures that were way too young for the man sitting in them.

"They're Nothing." He said quickly, Her head turned towards him and stared.

"I wouldn't call them nothing." A voice came from around the corner. Fletcher turned himself all the way around to see Valkyrie's uncle standing at the base of the stairs. "How are you my dear Nephew?" He asked Valkyrie.

"You're the weirdo in those Pictures. You don't look the same as you do in the pictures." She was this confused look on her face, like someone had given her a particularly difficult math equation.

"Yes, well… That's because… I have to go write some more." And he disappeared. Fletcher began walking Valkyrie into her lounge room and dropped her onto the nearest couch. Fletcher sat down next down next to her.

Skulduggery looked busy taking off his hat and jacket. Fletcher thought it best to go get some coffee. He teleported to the kitchen.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" A scream echoed from the lounge room. Fletcher looked through the doorway, Valkyrie was pointing to the area to which he had been in the past second.

"Valkyrie? What's Wrong?" Skulduggery turned from where he was standing. Valkyrie still hadn't noticed that fletcher was behind her.

"He was th- there and now he-h-he isn't there, and there was nothing I could-d-do," She stuttered, "There was a p-pop and I turned to l-l-l-look at him and he just vapo-vaporise-disappeared into thin air." And she started crying again. "It's all my fault, I should have done something, I should have, I should have." He she started sobbing. Loudly.

"Valkyrie, calm down, he's right behind you." He said, standing in front of her. "See? Back there." And he pointed to where Fletcher was standing.

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO MEANNNN!" She yelled." I'M MORNING THE DEATH OF SOME GUY I JUST MET AND YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST TURN AROUND, AND GET MY HOPES UP, JUST INCASE HE'S STILL ALIVE?!" She yelled in a rather accusatory tone.

"Yes-"

"THAT'S HORRIBLE! HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT!" she was yelling and she had gotten up in a huff, and fell back down from a vertigo hit. She tried standing up again and had more luck.

"Valkyrie, you're going to hurt yourself," Valkyrie was walking to the stairs," Come on, Valkyrie, Be careful-" This is about the time Valkyrie thought it would be hilarious to walk herself into a wall and knock over around three vases in the process.

Skulduggery moved closer to her and grabbed the tops of her arms, he picked her off the ground, and tried moving her to the couch. She sat on the couch staring at the skeleton opposite to her.

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" Fletcher asked, steeping out from the kitchen. She looked at me and smiled.

"Oh, hey fletcher, what are you doing here?" She asked, as though nothing strange was happening at all. I didn't have time to answer; all of a sudden she was on the floor, her hands to her head.

"The voice, the voice." She muttered, "Stay away." She started crying, "Please, stop." She had crawled into a ball in the middle of the room. Skulduggery immediately moved towards her and she Screamed.

"Let go of me!" She struggled against his grip and he lost it. Valkyrie fell to the floor and hurriedly got up.

"Valkyrie, Stop!" I yelled

"Who the hell are you?!" She asked. She had cuts on her hands from the vases she had fallen on and she had raised them in surprise. It looked kind of silly, In a gory kind of way.

"I'm Fletcher…" He said, standing awkwardly in the middle of the hallway, with his rather good looking ex-girlfriend staring at him as if he was a complete stranger.

"didn't you just dissapear-" she started.

"Yeah, kinda…" And she started walking towards him, a rather strange look on her face. All of a sudden there was immense pain in his arms, and he realised that he has just been punched.

"THE HELL WITH YOU RANDOM PEOPLE! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST STAY DEAD FOR I GODDAM SECOND!" She started storming around again.

"Well, then I'll just go snuff it then shall i?" Skulduggery replied.

"YES, MAYBE, IT WILL RELIEVE THE WORLD OF TWO, THE WORLD'S BEST ANNOYANCES!" She shouted back, starting throwing punches in his direction and him dodging them easily. She put too much force into one of her punches and she completely missed, sending her spiralling onto the ground, she landed onto her but and started crying. Again.

"For goodness' sakes, what is with her massive emotions?" The boy's rhetorical question was misinterpreted.

"Having strong emotions isn't a bad thing, though it is a weakness. I speak from personal experience of course." He said. Reaching down to pick up Valkyrie.

"Seriously? I couldn't image you with any emotions apart from smug and asshole." The boy replied sneakily. The skeleton man was quiet as he walked her up the stairs, the only sound was of Valkyrie's quiet sobbing.

"PUT ME DOWN!" She suddenly screeched. Startled by the outburst, Skulduggery dropped her on the stairs, her body hitting the sharp corners of the wooden floor boards. "HOLY SHIT THAT HURT!"

"Valkyrie, Calm-"

"Don't tell _me_ to calm down, Skeleton Man." She snapped, "I can handle the walking and talking dead person remains, I don't know why, but I can. Which is weird enough, but _don't _think you can order me around." She started walking back down the stairs again.

"You did always have a problem with authority." He said. She turned to face him.

"Don't flatter yourself, there's no-way I see _you_ as an authority figure." She turned around too late and her foot missed the step and she tumbled down the steps. Fletcher caught her after 2 steps but she was out cold.

"She's out." He told the smiling detecting.

"Finally." He said turning his corpse and raising his arms, extending them in an invitation, Fletcher lifted the girl's limp form and the Skeleton took her from him. He continued his venture to Valkyrie's room. The boy teleported to the same place, watched as he put her down in the bed.

"Do you reckon she'll remember all of this?" The boy asked.

"I hope so" He said, "she and I will be having serious words."

"What?" Valkyrie could hardly see anything, her eyesight as shitty. There was too much light coming in from the window. She reached for her bedside clock. Dear god, 10:16. Skul's going kill her. Oh dear, he hates it when she's late.

She got up quickly and tried to get changed and then she realised she was still in her clothes from yesterday. 'Weird' she thought. She changed all of her clothes and had a shower, it was then that she realised her hands had a bunch on scratches. When she'd dried herself and was walking downstairs, she found the source of her pain.

The series of vases her uncle had collected, shattered along the ground along with a splattering of blood and a bloody hand print. Right next to which stood her uncle, looking very displeased.

"Valkyrie, they were my favourite vases." He grumbled, his arms folded over his chest and his 'I'm disappointed' look being thrown in her direction. She grumbled a quick apology and took out her mobile, she called Skulduggery and he picked up on the first ring.

"Valkyrie, I'm coming over." And he hung up. The hell was that about? She went to sit by the television and then remembered that she had a mound of glass and blood that needed cleaning up. With a sigh, she stool and started cleaning. She wound the blood to be dried and incredibly hard to clean up. She had never really had to clean up blood before. That was something other people did.

As she finished packing up her cleaning up her cleaning equipment there was a hollow knocking at the door.

"Valkyrie, open up." The voice of her partner echoed.

"Yes, yes, just be patient." She said as she finished and made her way to the door. She opened it and he burst in and threw his hat onto the rack and sat on the couch.

"What's up Skul?" She sat down opposite him, it kinda felt like when she used to be in the principles office for different reason back when she was actually still going to school.

"Valkyrie, do you remember what happened yesterday." He asked. Odd question, no, she didn't and she hadn't actually thought about what had happened to her yesterday. Sometimes she would leave the blank spaces in her memory blank because sometime what had happened during the time was too distressing. Which was probably why it was blocked off in the first place.

"No." She replied.

"Try to," He insisted. She sighed and tried, the memory opening up like a book, what happened with the doctors, the hitting of fletcher and skulduggery, the vases breaking, The voice, her falling down the stairs and her nightmare. Hell that's not good

"Ok, I remember. What is it."

"Do you remember what happened with the voices?"

"Voice, singular. It's just Darquesse, she does that sometimes now. She doesn't like being contained." Thank god he didn't ask-

"Valkyrie, you mean this has happened before?" He asked, his skull betraying none of his emotions.

"Yes, on one or two occasions." Valkyrie replied. Gordon had entered the room.

"Did you know about this?" He asked her uncle.

"Well, I kind of, it was a, I have to go." And he floated off.

"Whenever I get too tired, she get's really loud, I get tantrums, I don't usually remember the bad ones, but sometimes they slip through, I have to do the cleaning up anyway." She confessed, remembering the vases.

"Why didn't you tell me, Valkyrie?" He asked. Because it's embarrassing, because it's showing so much more weakness than he needs to know of, because she wanted to prove that she could handle this on her own, because she couldn't bear if she had become that weak in front of anybody, even though they'd been through so much. She still felt so weak.

"Because I couldn't." She replied.

"Yes you could, Valkyrie, I'm always here." He replied. "I'm great like that, I always turn up at the right time." He said, his normal persona coming back.

"Except for those times that you didn't" she replied, giving his a smirk, like all those times I had to save you." And she laughed; all of her weight had lifted off her shoulders. "She was trying to get me to let her out." He stood as she said this, raising his arms as if asking for a hug. She stool and accepted, her arms looping around the hollow between his rib cage and his hip bone.

"I wish there was something I could do." He told her.

"I know." She said.

Right, so I want all of you, yes all of you, to review this one, because it's so different to what I've previously done on my drabbles. Hope you enjoyed this!

PaigeDragon3


	5. Chpt 5: Another Author's Note? Jeesh!

Heyy my beloved Skulduggery fanfiction fanatics,

I have some bad news; it's bad, but not too bad. Nothing to worry about, but if you really love my fanfiction, you'll at least be a little upset.

Ok, enough procrastinating. I. Will. NOT. Be. Updating. For. 2 MOUNTHS. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I hate this. I'm so busy. I have so much work, then I don't get holidays, I'm leaving the country without my computer for THREE WEEKS, then I come back and I leave for two more weeks, I come back again and I leave for ANOTHER 2 weeks. So, as you can probably tell, I'm pretty snowed under by my life at the moment.

I'm doing well though if you're wondering.

Anyway, even after I come back, there will be a waiting period for the new update, as I actually have to finish it. I will also be updating my original Skulduggery Book, "Black as Knight", by the end of the year, also adding a Homestuck drabbles, because one can never have enough JohnKat in their life.

Also, if you have not read Homestuck, I suggest you do, it's awesome, the link is below. But the main point is I WILL NOT BE UPDATING FOR A VERY LONG TIME. But I definitely will continue, no matter how much writer's block may form over my non-holiday.

Peace out my Non-homies,

Pegz


	6. Chpt 6: Val & The Shape Shifter

Right, you.

I'm giving you another one. Because I can. NO, I am not writing my other book at the moment. This one's based on a funny idea that I had at a random moment which I now don't remember. I hope you like it.

3 Pegz

Valkyrie is 18 again.

She and Skulduggery are on a work thing, a shape shifter's been stealing eyesight from sorcerers.

Valkyrie and The Shape Shifter

"How do we even know that a shape shifter took their eyesight?" Valkyrie Cain Asked her partner.

"Well, all of the victims saw different animals before they were turned blind." He said. Valkyrie was obviously bored.

"How would a shape shifter even take people eyesight. I mean, those people still had their eyes, Did he squark at them 'til they went blind?" she asked sarcastically.

"I don't know Valkyrie, that one of the things I'm planning that we'll figure out, if all goes to plan." The Skeleton detective said. "Also I think it's common sence to say that he probably clawed the eyes out of their heads."

"Gross."

"Very"

"We have a plan? That does not fill me with confidence." She said.

"What do you mean?"

"Since when have our plans ever worked?" she asked, he started to reply "That was rhetorical, "Never" was the only possible answer." He was quiet again as they stopped near a river. Valkyrie walked over to the near river as Skulduggery walked to the Hotel opposite, He walked over to her as she went to look at the water in the lake.

There was a faint squark as she took her next step. She looked towards were the sound had come from, to her right, was a turtle.

"Hey, I'm Bert." The turtle said. This was odd, though not a surprise, turtles were cute, she could easily squish them beneath her boots. The Talking Turtle seemed to realised this and squirmed back into it's shell.

"Sup, Bert." She said, picking up the shell and looking through the shell, his beady eyes staring at her through the front opening. She shivered. Creepy. Also apparently turtles squark

All of a sudden the shape when blurry in her vision, the turtle burning in her hands, and turning to a liquid type consistency, falling through the gaps in her finger, burning all of the skin on them.

She screamed and dropped the scolding puddle that was Bert the Talking Turtle.

"I'm guessing this is who we were looking for?" She asked the detective behind her. He nodded, walking toward her and Bert the Puddle. "He turned into a puddle." She told him. He was wearing his disguise, he had small eyes, high cheekbones and large eyebrows that matched his hair colour of brown. She definitely didn't like this one.

"I can see that," Skulduggery's voice said.

"A very hot puddle." She looked at her blistering hands.

"Well, you don't look too bad yourself." Said the Puddle O' Bert. Valkyrie Stared at the puddle.

"How do you even talk, you have no mouth- oh never mind. Magic, how could I forget." She mentally facepalmed, She realised as she said it that she had spent nearly half of her life with a talking skeleton, and he definitely had no mouth. "What are we meant to do with a puddle?" she asked Skulduggery.

"Hopefully, he won't stay that way for long." He replied.

"My hands hurt." She mumbled.

"You picked up a talking turtle, what did you think was going to happen?" He asked.

"Obviously not that." She replied. The puddle was moving. Not like waves, more like a blob, trying to form a different shape. She kicked the puddle, her boots taking the burn away.

The puddle Splashed again along the ground.

"That, probably wasn't the best thing to do," Skulduggery said." Inhibiting him from turning back into full form, prevents him from co-operating with us." He had moved towards her and his arm was already reaching for his gun.

"Hopefully he won't co-operate." She said, "Then I can beat him for burning my hands." She concerntrated on her hands and formed water around them, feeling the way the moister feels. She had to refresh the water constantly, so that her hands felt cool. She was distracked and the Turtle puddle took this opportunity to re-form, talking it's shape into a more vicious animal.

There was a sudden low grumbling behind Valkyrie, As she turned around skulduggery was already raising his gun arm. Valkyrie ducked forward ans tripped on the gutter. A large animal stepping on her feet. Three loud shots sounded and the animal was thrown backwards a little, lifting the weight of her legs and she swung her legs from beneath it. She got up and joined Skulduggery.

"I should've kicked it a little more." She told him.

"Yeah, you probably should've" he said.

"But you were the one who told me not too!"

"What, why would I say that?"

"I don't know." She sighed, the growling had gotten louder and the beast looked as though it was in pain as blood ran freely from the bloody bullet holes.

"That hurt." It told her.

"Good."

"If it's any reconciliation, I'm sorry for burning your hands-"

"Are you sorry for killing those people?" she interrupted.

"No-"

"Apology not accepted" She told Bert, "Also I hope you die in a hole." He growled at her.

"I'm going to claw your eyes out of your skull."

"Sucks to be you, Valkyrie, I don't have eyes." Skulduggery told her.

"Shut up Skulduggery, just cuff him already."

"I can't, I don't have any cuffs that could hold him, if you havn't noticed, he turns into a puddle of magma."

"Seriously?! We came all the way out here and you forgot cuffs to hold him in."

"Look, this all really came as a surprise, I didn't even know we'd find him today."

"But I thought we were searching for him."

"No, I was looking for ice-cream."

"How does that even- why would you- YOU CAN'T EAT!" She yelled at skulduggery. "And what about the plan?"

"The plan was to find ice-cream."

"What on earth were planning to do with ice-cream?"

"Valkyrie, I do not see how that is any of your business."

"NOT MY- WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?"

"sorry to interrupt, but I think I'm running out of blood…" Bert told them, falling onto his front haunches.

"At least then we don't have to find a way to restrain him." Skulduggery said.

"Can I kick him now?" She aksed

"I never said you couldn't"

"Yes you di- oh, never mind."

"Aren't you going to kick him?" He asked her. She shook her head.

"No, I feel bad enough already for him." Turning to look at the shape shifter.

"Oh well, it wouldn't have made much of a difference anyway…" He told her. "Help me load him into the car."

"What? No!" She exclaimed, "I'll get Bert-blood on my jacket."

Also another note from the author.

Sup mah peeps.

No.

Hang on.

Hello my dear readers,

As you well know, or don't, I haven't uploaded anything in ages. Almost three months. This chapter is a gift, maybe one of the last Skulduggery uploads in a few months, as I will be focusing on my Homestuck shipping soon. I have a few cute ideas and I need to free them, or let them wither and die in the back of my head like Valkyrie in my old book (You know, the part that I never uploaded…). Also about that… I won't ever be updating that. I disliked the story then, and I still do. I might start over if I have time, but for now it is disbanded.

Sorry about that,

Pegz


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